Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Clothing, nausea and how none of this has anything to do with actual pregnancy.

Nausea woke up the last couple mornings at 6:30 a.m. This must have kicked in some sort of pregnancy relapse hormone because I dealt with being awake at a very dumb hour on a Sunday morning and the illness by cleaning out my closet. The only time I ever combined nausea and manic over-organizing was when I was pregnant. I am not worried though. I laugh in the face of pregnancy. Ha! See?

Since my OB believed the slightly crazed threats during my last c-section I am pretty convinced he went through with ending my ability for the joys that only nine months of being inhabited by an alien can bring. (I was not a glowingly happy pregnant woman, if you couldn't tell.) He did, however, ask me to confirm my decision one time too many for my taste in a very cold operating room, with a very shaky anesthesiologist who I believe was trying to inject my spine with a pencil-sized needle for 25 minutes. And when the anesthesia wore off mid tubal (oh yes, it did) - I steeled myself with the mantra "never again, never again, never again". See - so THAT is not happening.

It is just a weird virus that causes nausea and cleaning. And I have my mom's genes to blame as well, since whenever she is sick she moves her furniture around, as in she moves it all by herself. Like dressers down stairways. It is weird. And as I age I am becoming similar. Oh well, mild OCD insanity is better than being pregnant. Sorry mom, on both accounts :)

But this weird trip down pregnancy lane wasn't even my point when I started this post. It was supposed to be something witty and funny about trying on clothes. Like laugh in the face of a spare tire sort of thing. Because cleaning out the closet leads to the re-discovery and trying on of clothes. So I decided to find outfits to wear to this. Since it is being held in one of those buildings that is built to house homeschoolers who gather to glorify the sanctity of all that is holy and all that, I want to sort of blend in and not stir anything up. So that immediately takes away my guinness, concert, and artsy t-shirts. And the abstracty one that sort of looks like a painted devil face. That would be bad. Besides I should shoot for something maybe more put together.

I showed hubby and he said he liked my choices. I pointed to my middle and stated how I wished I could get rid of that. He noted since I only had two weeks I better just embrace the tummy. I happened to call it baby weight and he happened to point out that our baby was four and that I only weigh about 10 pounds more than when we got married. I told him that I gained it right after we got together and I had to point out that he IS sort of a baby. And then it was like all back to babies again. See how that came full circle?

See, really this is all about my miracle son. The one that only exists through stubborness. Even as a zygote, he got his own way. I was breastfeeding the daughter, FAITHFULLY on the pill but bam! Felt a bit nauseous and thought I'd take a test just for kicks. If I had actually thought it would be positive I would NOT have taken the test. But surprise! My doctor's reply to this was "that is nearly impossible odds." And my husband's reaction was "have we even you know?" And I think that no, we didn't actually, so that shows how stubborn my kid actually is. He defies logic and biology when it comes to getting his way. (Don't get me wrong, I really like him and glad he chose us as a family and all.) But this is also why I still get nervous at lingering nausea - even after experiencing (like without anesthesia experiencing) the end of my pregnancy days.

So that was my past two days. All nausea and pregnancy jokes and spotty internet service so I couldn't even google the odds of pregnancy. And then there is an insane part of me that thinks "ooooh, a baaaaby." Yeah, that is why the tubal.


Maria said...

Ah, yes. I get this ooooo baby! part. So get it. I laughed so hard when I read about your husband saying "did we even..." because every time I think I'm pregnant (that would be a lot, like when I am nauseous any given time) he says that. Because apparently we NEVER do anything by which babies can be conceived. EVER. NON EXISTENT if you want to believe his story.

Anyway, sorry about your internet. It's really all very amusing when your reading it. But not probably living it. Sorry.

Mommylion said...

Yeah, the apparent non-memorability of that portion of our life could be a whole other post. I personally chalk it up to his short attention span, or possibly his mistaken assumption that I will take pity on him since he is obviously so deprived. Of course it couldn't be me. :)

I have been such a baby over the internet drama. I have had actual tantrums. I am shocked at how this has affected me, and probably need a technology free week or something to deal with my dependancy issues concerning it. Later though. Right now I have some browsing to do.